Friday, December 22, 2006

Sadie's XXXmas appeal

I suppose I ought to do a Christmas message. Why not, because everyone else has a go? The lovely Liz does hers on Christmas Day TV and Channel 4 apparently has a Moslem lady in a veil as a cool but still rather spooky alternative.

I’ve even got another Queen’s message for you from my pals Dolce and Gabbana (named after their knickers that peep out from their jeans) Is that still fashionable or are they just turning into geriatric flashers?

Anyway their message is: Have a horny Christmas and a sexy new year. Not very original I’ll give you but at least a lot shorter and rather more desirable than the one from Windsor.

I’m hoping for a successful 2007 as we’re on the last laps of our book. Then we’ll show it to agents…and then??????????????????????????????????????????

In fact, it’ll need a final polish. Which I expect we’ll do in early January. I read of these authors who knock out 10,000 words before a long and liquid lunch. Can this be true or is it just literary bullshit. I personally find it hard work and so does Morgan (my co-writer) in spite of him being a professional writer.

Remembering everything about our characters is complicated and making sure they all keep their individual voices is almost impossible. So we’ll be going through the entire manuscript to sort these and other things out. Doesn’t manuscript sound posh for our naughty little volume?

I must admit, it is a bit rude, but then what else could it be with me involved? There’s lots of kinkiness and perversion and nudity, and people do absolutely eye-watering stuff to each other but true love wins through at the end. Sorry I lied about that last bit.

However, as we write we suffer, because both of us are rather penniless this Christmas. Let me be clear, we’re not down to selling the Big Issue, we respect these guys and always give them something although it’s a fucking boring read. No, we are both a bit lightweight in the £££££’s sense.

My job is now part-time because people in Brighton won’t part money for books and Morgan has hit hard times in the Advertising world, my God he’s now having trouble filling the tank of his Ferrari.

So we’re both rather relying on the book for a more secure next 12 months. In fact, having mentioned Hard Times, I’m sitting here like a Dickens’ heroine warming my icy hands over a candle and hoping that a kind literarrrrry gennulmun will take pity on a poor soul like me, gord bless you!!!!

Sorry for that, but it’s very Victorian in Brighton tonight. The fog is drifting through the streets and (just for my American friends) I can hear the Hanson cab drivers clip-clocking along. However to be serious for a second, we do have Jack the Ripper style killings in Ipswich – so some Dickensian stuff doesn’t change.

Second over, now, at last, for my Christmas message.

OK, hmmmmm, right, ahhhhhhhh, hey how about, noooooooo, well what about?

Ok something simple: Love and peace to all the truly witty and nice people who communicate with me – and pleasssssssse buy the book if it comes out.

Love & seasonal hugs and kisses all over Sadie xxxxxxxxxx