Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Penny Smith's bum and other rounded topics


Oh dear, how fucking embarrassing, this time its more than 2 months since I wrote my blog. What a tardy tart I am.

And what have I been doing that has tempted me away from sharing my mind and body with you? Well…

I’ve actually been trying to complete my book with Morgan, my advertising copywriter co-author. I work on chapters and then he shows up and inserts his magic in the lines (well that’s what he says)

We’re making slow progress as it’s amazing how little you write in a day when you’re thinking about every word and trying to remember things about the various characters. I’m shit at this and although rich and successful authors say you should cover an A4 sheet with character notes, we don’t the time to do this as we’re trying to finish the fucking novel.

I’m often asked what’s it’s about. Well obviously, as I’m involved, it’s a delicate and rather poetic little piece about unrequited love between middle-class literary folk in 19th Century Finland…

Yea, like fucking fuck it is. Actually it’s rude and riotous and raunchy and raw and anything else sexy that begins with “r”. Frankly, if it makes me moist then it’s in…no doubt the working method of many distinguished lady writers from Austen to Bronte to Jordan.

All those r’s naturally lead me to the arse that’s kept me from my Dark Places – namely the one that belongs to the delectable Ms Hastings.

Yes, God be praised, I haven’t frightened her off and she’s been gracing my flat, my bed and my face many, many times since I last wrote about her.

She’s actually taken to this lesbian business with enormous enthusiasm. The sex bit most of all, because up until now she’s hasn’t shaved her head, got her flaps pieced, started reading me pieces condemning men in The Guardian or ordering pints in Charles St.

Oh god, that’s probably offended some humourless member of the Brighton muffia but I think I do my bit for the cunny cause. Lesbian is one of keywords in referrals to my site. I know this thanks to my sitemeter that lists everyone who visits Sadie Dark Places and often what they put into the search engine.

And, guess what, there are a lot of Penny Smith fans out there…hi if you’ve just joined me. In fact, just putting the blonde bosomy breakfast babe’s name here has probably guaranteed dozens more readers…add the words Penny’s bum or knickers and Blogger will crash under the rush.

Rather more disappointed searchers who came to my site recently included the ones looking for ‘well used male arses’ and for ‘naughty Nati to cover my face’. Sorry guys, (it had to be guys) I hope you found what you’d come for in other sites.

But now I’m distracted from my blog again. Ms H has just finished her bath and is standing all pink and naked and smelling of Jo Malone in front of me.

I’d love to tell you in detail about what’s been happening in Brighton recently but………mmmmmmmmmmmmm!


Love from slobbering Sadie

10 comments:

Gabs said...

:) nice.

Sadie Dark said...

Hey,

God, I'm so rude (and I don't mean in a nice way) Sorry I didn't reply sooner bit I've been in France trying to work on my book. Hope you're having fun.

Love Sadie

Anonymous said...

Hi, just a nosy member of the Rocks team passing through (as from casual reading I gather that you know I’ve been here, i thought it only polite to pop my head above the parapet and say, well, hi)...and well, gosh...I think I can feel my hair curling as we speak!

Mr Flea (greener than I’m cabbage looking)

(Sorry not registered - and frankly don't really understand how)

tt_rage said...

Hey Sadie,

I found your site by accident by randomly clicking links on other people's web pages.

Very curious to know how close you are to finishing your novel, and how you're planning to get it published when you're done.

Best of luck with the writing. The rest of your life seems to be taking care of itself :)

Sadie Dark said...

Hi tt,

We're two thirds of the way through and can almost see 'The End' however it's slow, actually fucking slow progress.

I suppose we should have sent a synopsis to some agents and hoped for the best but we're not sure which agents yet as the book is hard to classify (perhaps all writers feel this), so we're trying to finish it then let agents see exactly what we're getting at.

Do you write? Please get back if you wish.

Love & kisses Sadie

Gabs said...

so how "rude" is this perfectly sculptured piece of literature you have two thirds penned?

tt_rage said...

"Do you write?"

Trying to. I've just received my first agent rejection letter, so I'm well on the way.

Defining the genre isn't a problem for my magnum opus - it fits nicely into the saturated "Hardboiled American Private Detective" classification. Write about what you know, eh? :)

I read somewhere that cross-classification novels shouldn't be too much of a headache, as long as you play up the aspects an agent would be more interested in. For example:

"It's a bloody thriller featuring two barmaids ... with some sex thrown in," for the mystery agents.

"It's a fascinating discourse on the history of Brighton pubs as told by two barmaids ... and there may be a murder and some sex," for the historical pub-based fiction agents.

"Two sexy lesbian barmaids have at it for three hundred pages ... oh, and there's a subplot about a murder," for the lesbian-erotica agents.

Once you've elbowed the door open, they're bound to be captivated by your talent.

Sadie Dark said...

Dear Gabs,

Rude? On a scale of 1-10 it's an erect and thrusting 13!

Dear tt,

Thank you for your advice. I am writing mostly about things I know about but have had much, much fun over the past year investigating those things I did'nt know much about.

Mmmmm, lesbian Brighton barmaids eh? I'd give that a page turn or two:)

tt_rage said...

Damn, was that advice? Really wasn't meant to be :)

Best of luck with the book, agent and er ... research.

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